thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
