Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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