god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
