im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Rumble strips road head = magical
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
