please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
