Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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