Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
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I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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