I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
