Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
