i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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