Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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