My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
