We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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