We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
