It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
