So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
