Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
