yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
