You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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