Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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