I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
