Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
