Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's paint friendship bongs
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize