I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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