thus making me awesome and them whores
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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