You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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