i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
