so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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