all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
