She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
