Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
