I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
