You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
