i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
