You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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