There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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