you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
