He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize