They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
