forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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