I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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