The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Bang-toberfest begins!!
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
