Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
