i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
