Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
