You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
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