Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
