she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
