I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
