My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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