Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize