Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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