So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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