PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
