I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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