Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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