So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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