ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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