I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize