I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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