I'm lost and stupid without you.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
