i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
she pinky promised me she was 18
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
