So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I don't think brook has ever known best
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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