just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I got inside last night via doggy door
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
