Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
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I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
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Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize